October 19, 2016 11:29

Okay, hi. Sorry. It’s been way too long since I’ve actually sat down and written something, but hi. I’ve been kind of really busy lately and haven’t had the time to even think about what to write.. and when I am thinking of what to write, I’m in bed about to fall asleep. But just a quick update: it’s currently week 4 of school and all of my midterms are next week on my birthday week, so I need to get to studying 🙂

however, here’s a couple things i learned the past couple of weeks:

  • perfection’s not the answer. it’s okay to have flaws, to do “bad” things (to an extent, of course) and to just accept them. self-acceptance comes with learning how to be vocal about those faults, to accept the fact that maybe you aren’t the nicest person ever, that maybe you still get ticked off about other people, or whatever it may be.. but as long as we learn how to accept those things about ourselves and fully acknowledge those vices, then that’s when self-love enters your life. i mean, i already knew this, but i didn’t fully grasp this concept until this past week. if you vocalize your faults, it gives other people the courage to accept those parts of themselves as well.
  • coming to terms with what i believe in is really difficult, only because i feel like i have to believe in something/someone. and it’s hard because of my culture and having to live with the idea that i need to be religious and i need to believe in a higher being. i’ve never been religious. i’ve gone to church and i was raised to believe that God exists, but religion was never a big part of my childhood. my family didn’t go to church every week, we never prayed together before every meal.. it was never a big part of my life, so it was never an important thing for me. i guess a lot of me being agnostic comes with the fact that i’ve been raised in a really secular and diverse environment. if i had grown up in the Philippines, if i had been around really Catholic people all of the time, i 100% believe that i would have been religious, but because i didn’t, i’m not. my “excuse” for not being religious is because i’ve learned about a lot of other belief systems.. how can i believe in one if there’s so much more out there? who is to say that there’s only one higher being and who is to say that i should only accept one? i don’t know, maybe i don’t know what i’m talking about, but i can’t believe in only one thing. i mean i want to believe in something, to have faith in something, and to have something to fall back on when life gets a bit too rough, but i don’t really find it necessary either. if i believe in myself enough, is that good enough?

x jaya


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