September 7, 2016 1:30

autumn

I cannot sleep. Too much thinking for this tiny brain, so here I am writing because I am overflowing.

I’m starting my second year of college in two weeks, and I am so anxious. Anxious because I know this school year (well, year in general)  is going to be really different and really busy, mainly because this is the actual beginning of my adulthood. I mean, I’ve already had a glimpse of it and I’ve had a head start, but now I have to run with it and keep pushing. I guess I’m also anxious because I have so much goals for myself this year that I’m afraid to let myself down, to disappoint myself.. But I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay for some things not to fall through, that I can’t expect too much, and if things don’t go the way I want them to, it’s alright and to be grateful for it anyway. There is always room for mistakes and even more room for improvement.

I want to keep dreaming and to keep having high expectations, but to also have the courage to make those dreams a reality and to grow from failure. I encourage you to do the same.

My goals for 2016-2017:

  • Be more focused! Whether it be in school, myself, or my family and friends..
    – In school, I need to be more involved in my classes and be more active in them. Solution: Turn off my phone and not let myself get distracted! Hand write my notes, or if I’m using my laptop, turn off the wifi or use the chrome extension that keeps me from going on other websites to keep myself from getting distracted. Participate more during discussion. Stop the urge to skip class because “they don’t take attendance anyway.” Do whatever you need to do to stay. focused!
    – Focus on myself at times. If I’m tired, get some rest, whether it means taking a 10 minute study break, a quick trip to the beach at night, a good conversation with a friend to talk about how stressed I am, etc. Eat healthier, make more home-made meals (this is the start of my cooking adventures!) and go to the gym more often! My mental and physical health is important. I can’t let myself get run down.
    – Focus on friends and family. I know this year is going to be really busy, but I can’t neglect anyone this time around. On days off, go back home to visit family and friends, even if it’s just for a couple of hours.. A quick trip to my parents’ work.. A dinner with my brother.. Bringing gifts to my friends.. If I can’t do that, the least I could do is have a conversation with them on the phone and just catch up with them. I want to make sure that they feel appreciated and I want to tell them more often that I love them.
  •  Disconnect from social media more often.
    – I’ve already had a head start earlier today by deleting photos from instagram, privating really personal posts on Tumblr, deleting unnecessary posts on Twitter.. basically starting anew, really. I plan to not use them as often because it is really easy for other people to make opinions about the posts you create, and though I don’t really care for what other people think, sometimes that negative feedback makes me upset. Besides, the world does not need to know every little thing about me. Sometimes it’s better to disconnect from the skewed views of the outside world.
    – This also ties in with my first bullet point! If I want to be more focused in school, especially, I cannot, 
    cannot be on social media all the time! Especially in class!
  • Study better, not more often.
    – Self-explanatory, really, but I think that was my problem last year. Studying better means to study for only hours at a time and to take breaks often. If I’m going at it for hours on end, am I really studying or is it entering one ear then out the other? I need to take better notes! After class, I should reread my notes (maybe even rewrite it??) and try to make sense of it. If I need help, I cannot be afraid to ask! Also, I need to plan better and ahead because cramming does not work.. at all.
  • If stressed, take the time to relax.
    – Study breaks often, as I said. After work, take a nice shower, grab something good to eat, make myself some tea or coffee, write, or watch one episode of a show, then get some more work done. Detox daily, even if it’s for a little bit.. My body needs rest too, don’t forget to cater it.
  • Write more often!
    – Okay maybe my plan to write daily on wordpress did not follow through, but that’s okay. I cannot force myself to write if I have nothing to write because, well.. it’ll just feel forced and it will not be good. I have a lot of different outlets when it comes to my writing: wordpress, tumblr, blogger, notes, my writing notebook, planner, etc.. If I have an idea or a line that won’t go away, write. it. down!
    – I had a plan to create an instagram full of poetry or random writing, but I just need the courage to start that up..
    – I also need to stop being afraid of posting what I write! I told myself I want to be more open and more openly vulnerable to the world, and my writing houses that vulnerability so I should cater to that.
    – Perform again!
  • Be more active in the organizations
    – This year, I plan to find more clubs/organizations that interest me and just join them. I hope to be more active as well so I can have new opportunities and meet new people and learn from them.
  • Volunteer
    – Towards the end of the last school year, I did some volunteer work and those really inspired me. I only hope and plan to get more opportunities like that because they’re a lot of fun.
  • Set up a travel fund/account
    – I’ve been really wishing to travel to more places in the near future, and I can’t do that if I’m not saving up.. so.. I’m hoping to be more proactive at that. I just want to go everywhere, to experience new places and be inspired.. and I can’t do that if I’m just sitting here not doing anything to get a head start on that goal.
  • Keep building my savings
    – I’ve said this in a previous post, but I really need to start building my savings account because I do not want to be in my 20s and forever relying on my parents. I’ve said this to other people, too: you do not want to be living off your paychecks all the time. If you know you can’t afford something, then don’t buy it. You don’t even have to start putting in 50% of your paycheck into your savings, but start building up to that! You never know when you’re going to need it.
  • Do more spontaneous things
     As I’ve said before: not everything is going to fall through. Plan ahead, but also leave room for spontaneity. It’s not fun to be uptight.
    And…
  • Be more accepting, more kind, more loving, less bitter, and less judgmental
    – No more negative energy, more positive = happy life

Keep dreamin’, my babies.
x jaya

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