So what are you afraid of?
You can be afraid of spiders, of heights, of tight spaces, but what are you really afraid of?
I used to be afraid of what people thought of me. I still am, but now I’ve come to realize that what matters most is how I personally view myself. Back when I was in high school, I used to pretend that I didn’t care, that I didn’t get affected about what people would say about me, but, honestly, I cared so much. So much to the point where it practically ate up my confidence and I would get so frustrated about everything, especially myself. I wanted people to like me, even though in public I would say that I didn’t give a shit about that. I wanted so badly for people to think of me as a good person, but I honestly wasn’t the best human being in high school. And I’m not saying that I’m perfect now or whatever, but I feel way better about myself now than I did even just a couple of months ago. Growth takes time, and I think people try so hard to act adult or be older than they really are.. I know I’m guilty of that. People like to pretend to be something that they’re not, whether it be just putting on a front in front of a group of people or pretending to know what you’re doing when you really don’t. It’s okay to be afraid of what people think of you. It’s okay not to know who you are yet. It’s okay to feel lost and confused. It’s okay to be young and to not know what you want to be in the future or what you even want tomorrow. It’s okay to be young. Once you realize you’re afraid of judgment, let go of that fear. Everyone’s afraid of that. Everyone’s scared of being criticized, and that’s why everyone puts up a front.
Finding out what your fears are takes a long time. But what takes a lot of guts and courage is to actually admit that you have a fear and to be able to face it heads-on without backing off. Growth, to me, is super important. To be able to self-reflect and to see yourself from another point-of-view is crazy hard, but it’s so fulfilling.
x 19 year old Jaya